Here is the latest version.

I am really enjoying this painting. I believe it’s the first time I have ever been happy with the process and not pushing myself to an end.

Lately, as I mentioned in a previous post,  I have been in a very big slump. It happens from time to time, but this one has been particularly bad. One of the reasons is $$$$$. One solution to this is so obvious and simple it took me a couple of months to even think of it. I also didn’t think I would need to go this route, but you know, “this economy.”  So I bring it up in case someone else is not thinking of it too. I called all my student loan companies and got my loans pushed back until we move to cheaper housing in June.  I really didn’t think that they would just push my loans back. I called before and asked them to lower the payments, which they all did, but I thought that would be the extent of it. Not so.  That has relieved so much stress I feel giddy!

Now back to the painting. Normally I am beating myself up about how much/little painting I am doing more than anyone else. Then this week I realized that that’s not helping me.  That doesn’t put me in the mindset to paint. Those thoughts make me feel bad about myself and doubt my goals.  So instead, for the moment, I am just satisfying myself with sitting in my studio every day. I sit in my chair and look across the room at this painting. Some days that makes me want to paint, others I just enjoy looking at a painting that is going right. That makes me feel good.

I also mentioned a new medication in that older post. That medication made me freak out and it took another month before I could see the doctor again. However, this new, new medication does not seem to have any bad side-effects so far.  Another reason I am just content with enjoying this painting is because it is going right and so much else is in limbo and still needs more attention.  All this is really personal and I may decide to delete it all later, but it is part of my art experience and it does effect my creativity/motivation.

I have faith that I will know when to step up and push myself. For now I’m not going to feel guilty about not painting every day.  I think that will allow me to enjoy the times that I do paint and sooner, rather than later, I will be painting every day instead of pushing myself and beating myself up. It’s hard to learn to love painting again.  But we’re working through it. Clearly painting is willing to give me another chance, the image above is proof of that.

I have some great links for tomorrow!!